So that I could concentrate on important matters such as completing Lego Batman, I asked a good friend Andrew Osmond, who plays my fake internet robot brother to help me out. “Okay Matt!” he said. “When my wife is out the house, I will whip out my camera and take photos of jelly sweets.” Luckily he was not caught taking photographs of inanimate objects as feared, and his relationship remains intact!
So behold reader, as Andrew shows you all about Transformer sweets! Now I’m going back to chasing Two-Face in the lego Batmobile!
Ever wanted to eat your Transformer toy, but always choked on the delicious but unchewable plastic? Now, your dreams have come true with ‘limited edition’ Transformers Animated Fruit Snacks by Betty Crocker!
Today you’re in for a real treat! Oh you lucky people, I’ve stuffed Matt in a box and have taken over his site to bring you news of delicious likenesses of your favourite Transformers Animated characters. Don’t worry, I put an air hole in the box, he’ll probably chew his way out by the time you’re done reading this article.
So, here we have the insidiously brightly-coloured box you may have seen in your local supermarket next to the boring, non-transformers themed fruit snacks. See how it taunts us with it’s amazing picture of Optimus Prime reaching out, as is to grab your mother and strangle her until she buys you a cart FULL of these amazing fruit snacks? And they might even be healthy (or at least non-toxic) since they contain natural as well as artificial flavours. Of course, it also has a giant golden banner reading SPECIAL EDITION/EDITION SPECIALE just in case you need ANOTHER amazing reason to buy them! Myself, I got them from my amazing wife for Valentine’s Day.
So, here is the package containing the incredible fruit snacks… More SPECIAL EDITION banners and crazy French text, some flashy gold stars… but… What’s wrong with this picture? That’s right! No Transformers! They went through all the trouble to make the dang things and print the giant picture of Optimus on the front, but were too lazy to bother making a pouch with a Transformers theme. Betty Crocker is a lazy c***(can I say c***?) (No - Matt :( )At least we can see it says it contains a whopping 22.5 g of delicious snacks!
Aha! now we have unveiled the fruity goodness inside! That nondescript foil packet was more than meets the eye, hahaha. Ha. Ok! We can see them in all their blobby glory! Looks like… Several blue blobs, some green blobs, yellow blobs, a red blob, and even a WHITE blob! Wow! The red one at least has the vague outline of the classic Autobot symbol. The blue ones are apparently Optimus Prime’s head, the green is Bulkhead’s head, yellow is a Bumblebee head or car, and white is Ratchet’s ambulance mode. Unseen is the mysterious purple Megatron head, and after eating four packs, I have not yet seem any Decepticon symbols! What a rip-off!
Here is a picture of the Bulkhead-flavoured fruit snack, in all its glory. He’s turned sideways for some reason. Also, my camera kinda sucks, especially for trying to take close-ups! Some of these snacks are molded in exquisite detail, showing every line and shape perfectly clear! And the rest are blob-like monstrosities that don’t look like anything at all. Even the good ones you have to kinda squint, and check the picture on the box to figure out what it’s supposed to be. And there’s like, one or maybe two good ones per pack, the rest are indescribable Lovecraftian horrors.
Here’s a close-up of what the stupid things are supposed to look like, when they’re not busy looking like ugly warts or wayward melanomas. They do, however, taste really good! Since each 22 gram package contains 19 grams of sugar and 3 grams of heroine, they dang well better be delicious! They even contain some apple and/or pear juice (from concentrate), but this just proves again that Betty Crocker is one dumb b**** because she can’t remember if she put APPLES or PEARS into the fruit snack machine! They’re yummy, and fun (for about 45 seconds), so indulge your inner child with some Betty Crocker Limited Edition Transformers Animated FRUIT SNACKS!
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