Christmas List

I Want Neat Stuff

It’s not easy being an international Turtle of Mystery, you have to forsake most material goods if your bag is Scorpion Whispering. Because scorpion shit stains like hell. As Barry and I lie curled together on my wooden cot, however, straw mattress opening sores in my neck, I cry bitter tears of remorse for my empty bachelor hut. Here is some stuff I want.

10) A gun. A really big gun. People tell me that this is something phallic-related, but I don’t care as I have a huge wang. So there. I want a great big shiny gun that I can scare children with as they queue for the school bus. › Continue reading

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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2008 Turtlewind No Comments