Romance
Kiss of the Turtle!
Romance has been sadly lacking in my life, despite my strict adherence to the guidelines I have detailed elsewhere on this fairly esteemed site. And yet, there was someone once…
As I drifted through the A level system, I spent many long hours thinking about how great it would be to have female companionship. I’d briefly been inspired by Mr Kenneth Branagh’s noble cinematic adaptation of Frankenstein, where the unnatural creation yearned for a similarly deformed spouse that would be unafraid of him. The whole world conspired to mock my celibate status. The Lion King showed that cartoon lions were managing to get it on and rubbing the fact in on the big screen, and then I received the news that even my esteemed colleague, the mysterious Mr Doctor Who, a most notorious celibate, was preparing to get a girlfriend on television. This was very nearly the last straw, and I wept bitter tears every evening throughout the early months of 1996. › Continue reading
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