satire

Morning Sickness

Many have been the times where I have awoken feeling sick, retching over my pillow then going back to sleep on it. Feeling dizzy then crashing back down upon my piles of lager cans. Hopping about on one foot until I inadvertently stagger into the remains of last night’s fun, before stuffing it in a bin liner and burying it out in the garden deep so the neighbour’s dog can’t find it. Yes, I’m talking about morning sickness. › Continue reading

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Tuesday, November 18th, 2008 Turtlewind 1 Comment

Stigmata Made Easy

One day, I was idly pruning my nettles which reside outside my house in an attempt to kill children, when I noticed a peculiar occurrence – the palms of my hands were bleeding, and it wasn’t because I’d lost a game of stabby-stabby with my mum. No, it was a stigmata, ie religious bleeding.

At first, I thought one of the little punks from the Primary School had taken pot-shots at me again, › Continue reading

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Tuesday, November 11th, 2008 Turtlewind No Comments