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Journey To The Bottom Of The Earth

Venturing into my attic today for what might be the last time in months, I found a box of all my old primary school junk. And yes, you know that that means, lucky lucky lucky… This story was different, however – I’d explain it, but I think myself as a kid in the introduction to this epic novel will suffice…

Oh, and I couldn’t shut the attic door, so it’s going to randomly swing down and decapitate someone. Peachy.

Journey To The Bottom Of The Earth

By Matthew Marshall

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Wednesday, December 17th, 2008 Tall Tales 1 Comment

The Secret Door

In a lame attempt at getting out of putting any effort whatsoever in today’s article, I just scanned in my second epic tale from primary school, a sequel to “Adventure On The Island.” Bet you were looking forward to this, eh?

There are a number of points to be made. Firstly, this was the first tale to be written on computer (the school’s hi-tech Acorn, with it’s 5 inch floppies) and… well, it’s just interesting, dammit. Secondly, whilst again I have put the text down here as I originally wrote it, I have taken the liberty of finally correcting a mistake made by the teacher, after I forced her to type it up, namely replacing the word “rocket” with “rock” in chapter 4, thus making the story make sense again. You will not believe how pissed off I was at the time. › Continue reading

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Wednesday, November 26th, 2008 Tall Tales 1 Comment

Adventure On The Island

Recently in the attic, I discovered a big box of my Primary School stuff. My school was great, if only for the fact that they forced you to write stories rather than do silly things like “maths” or even “lessons.” The best find though, was this, my first ever book! Reprinted here, in its entirely, it tells the epic struggle of man against giant fish monsters, in its original format. No words or spellings have been changed. Hence the lousy, nay insane punctuation…

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Wednesday, October 29th, 2008 Tall Tales 1 Comment

Torchwood Christmas Special

Ianto was crying again. It was the sort of guttural sobbing that everyone in Torchwood was accustomed to, where it looked like he’d poured a bucket of water over his head and was whining “noo nooo noooo” in a way that rhymed with ‘moo’. Previous crying fits had been caused by the death of loved ones, being forced to have the smallest slice of pizza, and Owen putting his ’special’ mayonnaise on Ianto’s salad.

This time, it was brought on by the gun that Captain Jack held to his head.
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Sunday, October 26th, 2008 Tall Tales 3 Comments