The Greatest Star Trek Figures!

One of the innate mysteries of the universe is not “where is Atlantis” “What is inside a black hole” or “How come all those kids spent all that money on Pokemon cards”. No, it is “Why oh why do grown men spend all their money on toys!”

I don’t know the answer to that, I buy Collectable Action Figures.

The glut of Star Trek figures is one which reached Star Wars proportions. Not happy with a figure of each principle character, the company behind the toys, Playmates, decided that every time a character on screen wore a different item of clothing, that clothing must be represented in plastic form. Tiny, misshapen plastic form. And so I give you the greatest Star Trek figures known to man!


1 – Talosian

Who is the greatest Star Trek villain? Is it Kang the Klingon? Um, Rob the Romulan? Spot the Cat? No, it is the guy with the big head from the original pilot episode The Cage › Continue reading

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Friday, January 16th, 2009 Toys 7 Comments

MASK – The Secret Origin

Everyone has heard of MASK, who fought the fiendish forces of VENOM with only plastic headgear to help them… but how did it really begin? After Matt Trakker’s amazing inventions were stolen by his crooked boss, Miles Mayhem? No, of course not – who would be stupid enough to work for someone with the surname “Mayhem”? The real, unedited, sordid tale, is told in it’s entirety below. You have been warned.


Early one morning, Matt comes across his son, Scott, on his way to school. › Continue reading

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Wednesday, December 31st, 2008 Tall Tales 1 Comment

Monster In My Pocket

In 1990, Matchbox hit upon a great idea. Kids liked pretty colours, kids liked plastic, kids liked monsters and kids liked spending money.

So surely kids would like spending money on very small colourful plastic monsters?

And they did! I vividly remember seeing my first Monster in my Pocket when my friend Daniel brought home a four-pack of them after school. Soon I was buying the 12 packs, and then he was on the 24 packs. It was a race to collect all 48 of the little buggers, and now, 15 years later, well…

Yes, okay. I ended up collecting all of series 1-4. Here, I shall talk about series 1 and 2, as those are the ones people always remember, and the best. › Continue reading

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Friday, November 21st, 2008 Toys 14 Comments

Star Trek Turtles!

Some days, articles will just write themselves. By far the most popular thing on my site at the moment is the ‘Batman’s Greatest Boner’ article, where I just got some scans, clipped out the funny bits, then put them up with a line of text per picture.

Of course, sometimes just having the pictures in front of me will make me cry and cry and cry for humanity

The year was 1994. Playmates, who had been churning out their ridiculous Star Trek range, was also producing Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle toys (yes, it was ‘Hero’ for the UK, not ‘Ninja’, because ninjas were too scary, apparently). From what I can gather, someone got very very drunk and woke up in the morning with a “oh god, what did I do”… and the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle Star Trek figures were made.

Of course, the Turtle line was always very odd. Given that they only had four main characters to work from, they exhausted most possibilities within the first year or so. Then we got mutating turtles, turtles that span, turtles dressed as super-heros, and turtles with the action feature that their heads could pop into their shells (no, really)

It is no surprise then that eventually this scraping of the barrel combined two franchises with this hideous abomination that no-one ever wanted…

…actually, saying that, I lie slightly. These toys go for stupid amounts, and so I am proud to say that these photos are not mine. Even I have limits. These beauties can go for around £20 – £40 each. Which is utterly ridiculous and furthers my belief that mankind is beyond saving. But anyway, onto the main feature. I have taken blurbs from which is an ace site

› Continue reading

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Sunday, October 26th, 2008 Toys 1 Comment