Redshirt.co.uk

The Revenge of Yartek, Leader of the Alien Voord

Beware the man who knocks four times

BANG BANG BANG BANG. “HELLO?” Yartek continued to smash the phone against the brickwork. Some rather expensive technology started to crack and splinter under the strain.

Yartek didn’t care. It wasn’t his phone.

“I KNOW you can hear me!” he bellowed, his squeaky, girly voice echoing down the phone line. “I can hear you giggling.”
“That’s better.”
“What do I want? You know what I want? I want back in!”
“Yeah, I want to be in Doctor Who again.”
“Of course you can do it, you’re the producer.”
“Sod off! You brought the MACRA back!”
“I don’t care if they’ve got a good union. Screw the Macra.”
“Oh. Ew.”
“No, really. I’m like, the alien version of Che Guvera.”
“Yeah, I’ve sold millions of posters. Well, one.”
“Look, I’ve got this great idea. Basically I team up with the Borad and lead a crack team of dinosaur-riding Nimon through time and space to… hello?”

Yartek, former leader of the glorious Alien Voord, who once nearly ruled an entire planet sunk to his knees and started crying.

“Oh god pleeeeeease!”

The line went dead. Yartek snarled, throwing the phone angrily at the body of the man he had borrowed it from and slunk back to Voord Towers. He had called his home Voord Towers in the hope that it might convince poncy media-types that he was at the top of his game, but it was in fact just a few cardboard boxes stacked on top of each other covered in fairy lights and situated under a bridge.
› Continue reading

Tags: doctor who, Voord, Yartek