Hardcore Roleplay 2

Don’t run! The below is a rather stupidly entertaining log from the Transformers 2k5 online roleplay game. Yes, ha-ha, silly Matt. (If you want to join up, get a decent telnet client such as Mushclient and connect to tf2005.net port: 5555

I’m Blueshift, by the way. And I rule.

(A CRAZEE drawing by Fulcrum)

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift waves

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge heyas.

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum holas

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “So, anything mindblowingly exciting happen to anyone recently?”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge says, “Not really..”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift got money sent to him in the post

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “Damnit DC, I thought your life existed only for my amusement! TRY HARDER!”

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum points at Blueshift. “See? /Blueshift/ had an interesting thing happen to /him/!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Yeah, DC”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “So friggin’ selfish”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift huggies silly DC, the scamp!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “I think I broke his mind. Come back DC! I’m sorry I was so mean!”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge nooos! and runs away to be a hobo!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum hasn’t been IC now for a while. “I’m not sure why.”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge says, “Cause everyone is out to get Fulcrum?”

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum hopes DC is joking. :p

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Same here”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge IS joking! :)

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “You rapscallion!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Sunstreaker!”

[Public] Sunstreaker ejaculates, “Where?!?!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Silly Sunstreaker!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift tick-tickles Sunstreaker!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge says, “You tickle him with a tick?”

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “Creepy. Gay, but creepy.”

[Public] Sunstreaker says, “Dammit Blueshift.”

[Public] Sunstreaker says, “Stop coming on to me”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “that’s me! Gay but creepy!”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge says, “Eeek! Fulcrum is IC!”

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “YES”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift shall hunt him down and KILL him!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge will kill Fulcrum first!

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “National Kill Fulcrum day”

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “Bring it on, punks!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift stands with others in a circle around Fulcrum, attacking him one at a time

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum busts out that funky karate shit.

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift eees and runs like a girl!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge uses his nails!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum is struck by DC’s “Scratch like a Little Girl” attack. Fulcrum takes 10 Damage!

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift gasps!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum attacks DC with “Smack da ho up” attack!

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift winces!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge is struck by Fulcrum’s “Smack da ho up” attack! DepthCharge takes 1 Damage! Fulcrum has slain DepthCharge!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum strikes a victory pose as the end-of-battle music plays.

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge drops Cursed Sword.

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge drops poisoned potion.

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge drops teddy bear.

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum gains 1000 XP!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum becomes level 10!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge was a secret character who could have joined your party!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “Well.. crap.”

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge oh wells and joins anyway! as a dead body!

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum uses DC’s corpse as a weapon.

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge adds +4 to Fulcrum’s attacks!

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift joins your party as the token harlot

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge thinks one day.. when not much is on.. we should run around the IC Grid being chars from a RPG! ;)

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “YES”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift thought we did that anyway :)

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge nooos, “The console based RPGs silly! ;)”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Do it now!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift will be the wizard

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge will be.. umm.. the angst filled hero!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge says, “Who everyone wants to die!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Silly angsty DC!”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift ruffles DC’s angsty hair!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge’s angsty hair mutters about how terrible life is.

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift bleaches the hair

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge spikes it!

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Woo”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “Who will YOU be, Fulcrum?”

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift pokes Fulcrum with his MAGIC STICK

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum is thinking..

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum will be Evil Guy In Disguise!

[Public] Pony Princess DepthCharge yays!

DepthCharge arrives from the Istoral Chasm to the west.
DepthCharge has arrived.

[OOC] DepthCharge wavers!

Blueshift is busy doing magic +3

Blueshift/NAME_2 – Set.

[Public] Pirate vs. Fulcrum says, “We really need a cute kick-ass girl to round the party out.”

Mr Magik waves

[Public] Wheelie Warrior Blueshift says, “…still up, Sunstreaker?”

DepthCharge walks into this town! Looking to buy a new Pogo-stick! See, Pogo-stick is D.C.’s ultra rare weapon that only he is trained in using. Yet every town sells better versions of them! Almost like this world was.. DESIGNED AROUND HIM!

Mr Magik is busy tending the magical pogo sticks in his pogostick emporium. Yet he YEARNS for adventure!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair watches the Angsty Hero from the shadows.. with EVIL THOUGHTS! “Bwahaha… I will gain his trust.. and then destroy him for my master DOOM DRAGON!

As Evil Guy talks, a little blue box appears over his head, his words appearing in it letter by letter with beeping sounds!

He-ro Bear-spirit! walks into the pogostick emporium. That has no other paying customers but him! He walks to the desk and begins looking at the ultra expensive weapons.

Mr Magik walks up to He-Ro, but keeps walking round and round him, bumping into him until finally he gets into the right place and speaks. “Hello there stranger!”

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair enters the shop directly after He-ro, but stays by the door where no-one will notice him, or even mention his existance.

He-ro Bear-spirit! says, from the three possible dialogue options available to him, “I am in search of the magic crystal of FREEDOM. Do you know where it is?” Yes, He-ro gets far in this quest by grilling complete strangers about his destiny. After all, only people who would further the plot would come up and talk to him.

“Yes, I do” replies the wizard, for that is his pre-programmed responce. “Here is a MAGICAL ITEM you may need”. For Mr Magik is in the habit of giving complete strangers powerful and expensive items

Mr Magik has dropped Stick Of Invincibility +4

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair walks up to the two. He’s allowed to interrupt, cause this is probably a cutscene anyway. “Did you say you were looking for the FREEDOM CRYSTAL? Though you’ve never seen me before, I will help you on your quest!”

He-ro Bear-spirit! reaches out to take the magical item that will complete his quest and bring peace to the land FOREVER! but, for some reason, he can’t move over and pick it up. It is almost as if he isn’t allowed to move until someone comes along and steals it!

Mr Magik nods. “Yes. Let us go and walk around in circles killing Orcs”

You say, “For 60 hours. No more, no less”

Suddenly, the room flashes.. as if someone were playing with the pallette. Everyone in the room jumps into the air with amusing “Boing!” sounds as a DEMON appears!

Mr Magik suddenly runs behind his companions as if to make sure the demon will attack them first

Magical white text appears over He-Ro’s head. Saying ‘Do you allow Mr Magik and Evil Guy in Disguise With White Hair to join your party?’ The giant ‘pointer’ of the gods moves over and selects ‘Yes’. Once they are part of He-ro’s party, he begins going through their equipment, seeing what he can use on himself. Seeming to IGNORE the demon, as if it will wait for him to select an attack.

Mr Magik stands around drinking potions and calmly putting on different items of clothing. Again, as if the demon won’t even TRY to attack him before everyone else

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair joings the party!

Mr Magik joins the party!

DEMON: Ha Ha Ha! With the power of this STICK OF INVINCIBILITY that seems to be just lying around, I, KRONDAR, can bring chaos to the realm of STARIEL! Muaahahahaa!

He-ro Bear-spirit! , having stolen all the best weapons from his party members (except for Evil Guy who for some strange reason you can’t un-equip) walks right up to the demon and starts bumping into it, trying to activate the battle scene.

Mr Magik, for some reason, calmly stands about waiting for his turn to fight. JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE, YES

The demon continues to speak, completely unfazed that a hero appears to be trying to copulate with it. It’s as if it /has/ to finish its lines. “Now I will go, to deliver the STICK OF INVINCIBILITY to KING ZORAL, who will use it to attack the realm of TUNGON, which will cause hog-prices to fall, thus throwing the land of FNORD into chaos, thereby destabilising STARIEL.. I think. Anyway, evil and stuff!!” A conversation box pops up. Looks like this scripted scene has a little bit left in it.

He-ro Bear-spirit! stands there for 20 minutes! not saying anything. Almost as if the gods who are control him are off, checking the Internet for this demon’s weaknesses. And of course the demon stands there and waits for him to speak. Perhaps He-Ro is the strong, silent type? Eventually He-Ro moves and.. lets Mr Magik speak. As the Internet says that this is where Mr Magik is able to obtain his SUPER SECRET RARE IMPOSSIBLE TO FIND WITHOUT A WALKTHROUGH Limit-breaker weapon. So long as he chooses the right dialogue options.

Mr Magik, unfortunately, is on the loo and does not return for an hour

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair stands there looking pixellated.

He-ro Bear-spirit! selects the dialogue option, since Mr. Magik is in the loo, “You fiend! I shall never let you attack TUNGON!” and with that battle music begins to play from somewhere. The scene goes all blocky and pixellated and stuff.. and comes back to reveal the Battle Scene! Since when was the shop this big? Who cares!

DEMON Attacks!

DEMON attacks HE-RO with CLAWSTORM attack!

He-ro Bear-spirit! stands there, waiting for the attack and makes no move to defend himself! As he is hit with CLAWSTORM a little white ‘11′ appears above his head.

He-ro Bear-spirit!’s party’s turn!

He-ro Bear-spirit! attacks DEMON with Pogo-stick slice!

DEMON is struck for 22 Damage!

DEMON has been POGOSTUNNED!

Not that you’d know it, the only change in the Demon’s appearance being that it flashed red when hit.

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair attacks DEMON with EVIL SWORD THAT IS PROBABLY GONNA KICK YOUR ASS LATER attack! DEMON flashes red, calmly flapping in mid air as two little white digits reading ‘18′ appear breifly above him. He-ro Bear-spirit! wishes he had been able to unequip that sword for himself as he stands there, letting the party attack the demon ONE BY ONE.

[OOC] Blueshift returns

[OOC] DepthCharge yays!

[OOC] Fulcrum says, “Just in time!”

Mr Magik casts Magic Missile! Yay!

DEMON once more just flaps serenly in mid air, watching the incomming attack. This guy must be a zen master or somthing.

DEMON is struck for 20 points of damage!

DEMON has been defeated!

DEMON drops Healing Seed!

DEMON drops Angel Wing!

He-ro Bear-spirit! starts doing a very weird victory pose as the music changes to the victory theme.

Mr Magik runs in first and picks up all the items

Mr Magik takes Healing Seed

Mr Magik takes Angel Wing

And now, you’d expect DEMON to drop the STICK OF INVINCIBILITY, right? Nope!

Why, that’s MADNESS

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair strikes a victory pose which has the effect of making him look more gay than usual.. and then the scene block-ys out again! Back to the normal shop! And even though the DEMON expoded in the last battle, he’s still there!

DEMON: Urg.. you have.. defeated me..

DEMON: Damn you.. random heroes…

DEMON uses TELEPORT!

He-ro Bear-spirit! stops doing a victory pose as the music changes back to the overworld theme and he stands there, not making a move to stop the demon.

DEMON has escaped with the STICK OF INVINCIBILITY! Gosh! Who could have seen THAT coming!

Mr Magik doesn’t try to stop the demon either – he CAN’T!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair looks even more gay in this view. But he too can’t stop the demon.. and doesn’t want to, because this is all part of his plot, which will be revealed at the end of Disc 1!

[OOC] Blueshift wonders what Nova will think when she unidles ;)

He-ro Bear-spirit! says to Mr Magic and Evil Guy in Disguise With White Hair, “The Demon is gone! But perhaps someone in PROMETHIA knows where he went..” Which is rather strange, as until now no one has ever mentioned PROMETHIA.

You say, “YES, PROMETHIA”

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair says, “I agree completely!”

He-ro Bear-spirit! walks around the shop a bit more, seeing if he can still buy a Pogo-stick. But with Mr. Magik a member of the party it seems he cannot (and it isn’t like Mr Magic is simply going to give him all his pogo-stock. Yes, risking one’s life in adventure and giving away merchandise are two completely different things.)

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair follows He-ro mindlessly, occasionally bumping into things, or getting stuck behind barrels.

Mr Magik sells you an amazingly expensive stick

He-ro Bear-spirit! goes to buy the pogo stick, but accidentally selects ‘Ultra Potion’. He-ro spends all the party’s money on a single potion!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair seems not to mind that all his cash has just been spent by someone he just met. Probably because he’ll turn out to be He-ro’s brother in Disc 2!

He-ro Bear-spirit! says, “Come, we must WALK half way across the world to PROMETHIA. (Luckily we get a vehicle at the end of Disc 3). And we must not talk to each other at all along the way. Unless it will further the plot.”

Mr Magik will not refund the money, since when something is bought, it is BOUGHT

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair says, “Yes.. let us go to PROMETHIA. (Where you will meet your DOOM!)”. Of course, this is all printed in a blue box above his head.

He-ro Bear-spirit! walks to PROMETHIA, not even considering why the money he gave to Mr Magik didn’t simply go back into the party’s pooled money.

Mr Magik walks to PROMETHIA too, a journey that magically takes just a still-frame of a screen!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair and Mr Magik disapear when travelling across long distances for some reason. Only a chibi He-ro can be seen on the map.

He-ro Bear-spirit! walks to PROMETHIA, not meeting a single soul in the entire world as he walks. That is, of course, until suddenly a jarring sound plays and everything begins to go fuzzy. Oh uh! Random Encounter!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair assumes the exact same stance he did for the battle in the shop, and patiently waits for his turn to attack.

Mr Magik does too, but now has RUN OUT OF MAGIC, so until he SLEEPS, he must use his pointy stick

The party is attacked by a teeny, tiny, ultra cute green imp! Who carries a lantern and a little butcher’s knife. Awww, how can something so cute be dangerous?

Tonberry stands there, looking cute and SLOWLY walking towards the party.

He-ro Bear-spirit! attacks first! He-ro attacks Tonberry with Pogo-jump!

Tonberry is hit for 3 damage.

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair is ready to attack the green thing.. but something goes HORRIBLY WRONG! The pointer of the gods SLIPS, forcing Evil Guy into a new course of action…

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair uses HEALING SEED

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair regains 0 HP

Well, there goes the party’s only HEALING SEED.

Mr Magik casts ANGEL WING

Angel Wing does nothing

Tonberry continues to stand in one place and walk forward all at the same time! After the party’s turn is finished, he actually MOVES forward and now stands in front of the party. A little animated ‘Doink!’ appears above him and he slashes at He-ro for 99999999 damage!

He-ro Bear-spirit! falls to the ground! Dead!

Evil Guy In Disguise With White Hair is still completely healthy! But that doesn’t matter, since the main hero has just died, so the battle is over.

He-ro Bear-spirit! oh nos!

[OOC] Fulcrum blinks

[OOC] Fulcrum blinks

[OOC] DepthCharge dances?

[OOC] Fulcrum thinks Blueshift is dead

[OOC] DepthCharge says, “Let’s rebuild him then!”

** You’re idle IC. Do something or you’ll be laughed at. **

DepthCharge jumps off his hoverscooter, looking like he wants to kiss the ground. He is safe, surviving yet another journey on his death trap.. err his hover scooter.

DepthCharge pulls out a medical scanner and runs a check on Blueshift.

DepthCharge hmms to himself..

DepthCharge says, removing a laser scalpel, “No.. no.. no.. This body won’t do at all. It is all dirty. We must transfer his laser core now! Before the dirt invades his core and he gets a dirty mind!”

Fulcrum prods Blueshift with a stick.

DepthCharge cuts open Blueshift’s chest and looks for his laser core.

Fulcrum hmms. “But where will we get a body at this time..”

Fulcrum looks sideways at Nova

DepthCharge hmms.. “We need a body that is just lying here. One that no one is watching over..” DC looks over towards the sleeping Nova.

DepthCharge looks back to Fulcrum and nods, “Great minds think alike. Quick, you prep Nova for surgery!”

DepthCharge removes his datapad and begins to calculate how long Blueshift’s core can exist outside his body for.

Fulcrum nods. “This must be done with the utmost care and tact.” With that, the blacksmith smacks Nova on the back of her head with his hammer.

DepthCharge typetypetypes, being ICly nerdish.

Fulcrum smacks the semi-comatose Decepticon again, just to be sure.

DepthCharge nods to Fulcrum, “Excellent work Decepticon Fulcrum! Now, to remove Blueshift’s core.” With that DC removes a giant apple-core remover and begins stabbing it into Blueshift’s chest.

DepthCharge removes, well, most of the laser core. Hey, it isn’t like this is brain surgery! DC pulls 80 percent of the core free from the apple-core remover and throws it to Fulcrum, exclaiming, “Quick! It must not be exposed to the air for too long or it will EXPLODE!”

Fulcrum hmms. “Now, should we also remove Nova’s core.. or just stick Blueshifts in as well, and wire them together?”

DepthCharge says, removing his datapad and trying to look scientific whilst he types (but he is really just playing tetris), “Umm.. put them together! They can keep each other company if they get lonely.”

Fulcrum juggles the core, almost dropping it. “Whoa.. hey! Damn! There’s no time! Quick! Prep Nova for core installation!”:

DepthCharge runs over and preps Nova for core installation by hitting her on the head with his datapad.

Fulcrum is still fumbling with the core. “No, we need somewhere to install the core! I’ve allready beat her senseless!”

DepthCharge ohs. DC hmmms, “Let’s put it in her stomach! That way, Blueshift can always get a snack if he needs to!” With that DC starts cutting open Nova’s tummy, hitting her on the head a few more times for good measure.

Fulcrum eyes the convieniant red 7-segment display on the side of Blueshift’s laser core. “Hurry DC! We’e only got 1 minute before this thing explodes!”

DepthCharge eeeks! and starts to hit Nova on the head faster. Wait a minute, no.. that’s not what he is meant to be doing. DC quickly starts cutting her stomach open again. He peers inside and hmms, “Okay! It looks pretty empty inside. Stick the brain in!”

Fulcrum, with great precision and scientificness, rams the core into the niche provided.. just as the timer reaches 0! It’s like living an action movie!

DepthCharge removes a stapler and begins to staple Nova’s stomach shut. So the new brain won’t fall out!

Fulcrum hands DC a sponge. ‘Cause that’s just what you do,

DepthCharge eats the sponge, cause that’s just what you do..

DepthCharge says to Fulcrum with a nod, “A complete success! How much do you think we should bill them for?”

Fulcrum waves a hand in a so-so manner. “Three.. four hundred thou?”

DepthCharge raps his fingers together ala Mr. Burns and emits, “Excellent..”

Blueshift reawakens and feels his/her new breasts. YAY

DepthCharge cackles, “It’s alive! IT’S ALIVE!” [the Weird Science theme starts to play]

Fulcrum boogies to the music while the credits roll

You say, “Kinky”

DepthCharge idles to go to work for a bit! “Have fun people. Think I will jump OOC so that Nova doesn’t kill me when she comes to. Then again, Blueshift might be able to control her body and stop her!” ;)

DepthCharge vanishes out of reality.

DepthCharge has left.

[OOC] Fulcrum goes ooc too.

Fulcrum vanishes out of reality.

Fulcrum has left.

[OOC] Blueshift says, “heh. Seeya”

[OOC] Blueshift says, “Oh. All alone again”

[OOC] Blueshift hmms

Shockwave has connected.

[OOC] Nova says, “What the fuck…”

[OOC] Shockwave says, “?”

[OOC] Nova eyes Blueshift and wonders if he and Depthcharge have LOST THERE SLAGGIN MINDS!!!

[OOC] Shockwave says, “What’s wrong?”

[OOC] Nova says, “Him and DC did some strange magic final Fantasy bondage sex thing.. or something….”

[OOC] Nova runs away from the insanity.

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Wednesday, December 24th, 2008 Tall Tales

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