There was once a young Turtle (with no fin)
Ever’one said he was loafin’
His posts were not grand -
On mud pies and sand
So here I’ve written one on Ibruprofen
Last week I had a terrible back
Sadly not due to fun in the sack
Pain every morning
The realisation was dawning
That I had to go down to the quack
I was prescribed a special drug
The aforementioned pill I could hug
For it was a killer
Of pain, a thriller
For lame people like me, what a mug!
Why, since of this pain I was rid?
Well, the drug cost me five quid!
48 pills in a packet
Luckily my wallet could hack it
Or on my coffin they’d be putting the lid
The pills were quite hard to swallow
Over a centremeter long, and not hollow!
But they were sweet, not sour
And I had to take one every four hours
Along with food or water – of course it did follow
Pain relief was fast and quick
No side effects – didn’t even feel sick
I could go out fast, like crazy teens
Because I was ordered to buy beans -
My back was fine, but I was still quite thick
I started three days ago
And as people know, I was low
Now I’m all better
I’ve written a letter
Telling you all how it was so
I had extra strength, 400 milligrams
That’s a lot, like the US’s SAMS
Powerful and strong
Hear my happy song
I no longer have to invest in prams
Since my back was bad, I couldn’t walk
All I could do was moan in my talk
It’s all better now
Though the doctors have a cash cow
I shall stab them all with my fork
I feel like my energy is pneumatic
You can also take it if you’re rheumatic
Migraine or headache,
Period pain, for gods sake
But leave alone if you’re asthmatic!
That is all I have to say
I hope that you now know the way
When a Turtle’s in need
You should take heed
Give him drugs, though you’ll have to pay!
PS Do not feed to scorpions. Trust me.
- The Mysterious Mr Turtlewind, Lord Of All He Surveys
(my bedroom wall)
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